Here's a joke.

Okay, each section will have a joke.
But then, I got it from some internet.
HAHA, but it's true to us, maybe.
As I experienced, hehe.
Hope you get what I mean. :P


For Flute Section, (Or to piccolo)
How do you get two flute players to play in tune?
Shoot one.

How are blonde flutists like the key of F# major?
Not a lot of naturals.

How do you put a sparkle in a flutist's eye?
Shine a flashlight in her ear.

How do certain conductors choose a principal flute player?
Well, it helps if she has big breaths.

What do you give a woodwind player for Xmas?
Flute cake.
(Kkk, don't take it so seriously, just making the blog alive as possible. Just take it as a joke if you can think or lame itself).


For Clarinet Section,
What's the difference between 1st and 2nd clarinet?
A semi-tone.

And the difference between the 1st and 3rd?
A minute and a half.

What's the difference between a mouse and a clarinet?
You can't hear a mouse squeak over a band.

Why are there so many clarinets in a concert band?
It increases the odds that one will play the right note.

What's the purpose of a bell on a bass clarinet?
Storage for the ashes from the rest of the instrument.

What do you get when you remove a half of an alto clarinetist's brain?
A gifted bass clarinetist.

What's the definition of a nerd?
Someone who owns their own alto clarinet.

Why do clarinet players leave their instrument cases on the dashboard?
So they can use handicapped parking.


For Double Reeds,
What's the best use for an oboe?
Kindling for a bassoon fire.

What do you do with a bad oboe reed?
Toss it to the percussion section. They always need new chew toys.

Condcutor: "Doctor! What do I do? The oboe player is choking on a reed!"
Doctor: "Have you tried a muted trumpet?"

How many oboe players does it take to change a light bulb?
One. But if he's not there, a flute or alto sax will do it.


For Saxophone Section,
Why don't sax players stay married?
Blaming it on the reed doesn't work.

Why do alto players play so many wrong notes?
They ignore the key signature — take it as a suggestion.
(Manxz, I couldn't find a good joke for the Saxophones)


For Trumpet Section,
How are trumpet players like pirates?
They are both murder on the high Cs.

Why do trumpet players have small brains?
To make room for their egos.

Why are cornets smaller than trumpets?
It's not that the cornets are smaller, it's that the players' heads are bigger.

How many sections, other than the trumpet section, does it take to change a light bulb?
Trumpets: "You mean there are other sections in the band?"

Why do trumpet players screech annoyingly on mezzo forte parts?
They think the "mf" means Maynard Ferguson.
(Er...if you what to know that "mf" means, search for the name, lol.)


For Trombone Section,
What is a trombone, really?
A slide whistle with delusions of grandeur.

What do you call a guy who knows how to play trombone but doesn't?
A gentleman.

What do you buy for a trombone player who's got everything?
Antibiotics.

How can you pick out a trombonist's kids at a playground?
They can't swing, and they complain about the slide.


For French Horn Section,
Why is French horn the most divine of all instruments?
Air goes in, but God only knows what will come out.

How many French horn players does it take to change a light bulb?
Just one, but he'll spend two hours checking the bulb for alignment and leaks.

Can French horns play footnotes?
No. For that, you need a shoe horn.

Why do French horn players choose that instrument?
- It's a nice, all-round horn
- They're twisted.

Why did the French horns get lost when they were asked to take it from bar one?
They said the bars weren't numbered.

How do you make a trombone sound like a French horn?
Put your hand in the bell and miss a lot of notes.

How do you make a French horn sound like a trombone?
Take your hand out of the bell, and lose all sense of taste.


For Euphonium/Tuba/Brasses/Lower Woodwinds,
What's the range of a tuba?
About 20 yards if you've got a good arm.

What's the best way for you to contact a baritone player?
Euphonium.

What did the bass player say when accused of messing around with the piccolo player?
"That's no piccolo, that's my fife."


For Percussion Section,
What do you call a guy who hangs around with musicians?
A drummer.

How is a drummer like a philosopher?
He thinks about time as an abstract concept.

Why can't percussionists tell jokes?
No sense of timing.

What did the drummer get on his IQ test?
Drool.

How do you know that the stage is level?
The drummer is drooling from both sides of his mouth.

Really, though, why don't drummers drool from both sides of the mouth?
They are not musically inclined.

Why are there short intermission breaks at concerts?
So you don't have to retrain the drummers.

How are drum machines different from real drummers?
You only need to punch the rhythm into them once.


HAHA, THIS WILL BE CRUEL.
But maybe its true, idk. LOL.
This will be for the Conductor's part.
LOL, better not.
See the website for yourself or for MORE!
Link to its website.

Ok lah, I'm not that bad to the sections.
Maybe its true leh? Right now you dunno luh, maybe one day realised? HAHA.
Or you know yourself already.
Got this from that website.
I was like, "LOL LAME!" all the way.
But though it didn't make you laugh because you already think its true. xD


HAHA, anymore band members wanna show your joke?
Send your email to gss-bandholics@hotmail.com
I will receive it.
If you don't want me to mention, nevermind.
Just say section lor. xD
Or nickname also canxz, perhaps people surely know who you are le. xD
Kkk, toodles.


Vanneyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!